Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Grow(ing).

Turning 20 in less than a week. Been feeling all kinds of weird whenever I think about it. I have never (or at least tried not to) place much importance on birthdays, in fact once a year the sudden surge of attention I get on that particular day can be pretty daunting to me, and yet feel very warm and calm at the same time. It's a contradicting feeling, I know. A manifestation of the INFP in me I suppose, to want and not want in the same sentence.

I think I personally grew a lot circa late 2015, when I had to make very important decisions regarding my career path and what I actually want to achieve in the future. I went with the safest route of course, albeit it being infamously known as one of the most boring routes ever too. But what people don't realize, is the potential that exists in that field and how it might be exciting too depending on how the person sees it. There are misconceptions and stereotypes regarding accountants, I'm sure. But as of now, I would think that it will not be my final and ultimate career anyway. More like a stepping stone to even greater things, I hope. As long as the work is challenging in a way that makes me exceed my own expectations of what I thought I was capable of and helps me progress as a person, I think I'll be somewhat satisfied. Besides, I just got my first semester results in my first year of university and accounting was my highest scoring subject, overtaking the other 3 units. A sign from God? SURE HOPE SO. Plus I actually do secretly enjoy accounting. It can be tedious, yes, but I love its practicality and how technical it can get sometimes.

Perhaps I am just trying to justify my choice and convince myself that I made the right one. But you don't understand, after being undecided and burdened with ambivalence for so long, it felt good to finally find a career path that was so structured, so stable. There is practically a very solid plan laid out for the next few years of my life, from university to stepping out in the corporate world. And for once, it felt nice to have something in my life that was subjected to little variation and calculated risks. I didn't have to make a decision this huge anymore, from now on it's just little sub-decisions surrounding my core decision. So that's one (huge) part of my life settled, I hope.

This year things are going to be pretty different I think. Things have been changing every year of course, some in ways bigger than others, and impacts me harder than others, but something about the changes about to happen this year.. a lot about stepping out of my comfort zone, learning more about myself, what I am capable of and what I would want to achieve. I have little control over the people who are about to walk in (or out) of my life, so I'm leaving that department to God. I hope to be brave, most of all. That seemed to be my wish for years now, but each year I felt like I was never exactly thrown out of my comfort zone and put in a situation where my courage was put to the test. So whatever lies ahead, no matter how turbulent, I am very excited for it all.

Here's to another year of growth.

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